Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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