hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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