So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
