so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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