Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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