I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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