I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
