Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
