i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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