just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
