I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
