somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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