her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
