he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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