im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
this will be a night to untag.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
