can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
