I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
