How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
PANTIES FOUND
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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