apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
That's when you crack a 10am beer
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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