if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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