next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
