Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
