Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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