i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
