I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
