I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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