I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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