i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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