Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
