I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
