you turned your livingroom into a bong?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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