if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
