Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't deserve a penis
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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