you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
