i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
