do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
