Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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