get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
