So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
