At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
