Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
