I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
