I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
