this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
