I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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