you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
