When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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