Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
