Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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