I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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