I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
