I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
