After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
